Rayna Neises 0:02

Welcome back to A season of Caring podcast, where we talk about how to live content, love well, and care without regrets. I'm your host, Rayna Neises, and I'm really glad that you decided to join me today. I've been thinking a lot lately about seasons, which probably makes sense this time of year because the weather is changing and the light is changing and the rhythm of the days, it starts to feel a little different. And every year when this happens, I find myself drawn back to the truth that has shaped so much of my caregiving journey. The verse in Ecclesiastes that says, "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven," it really has never sounded more true really down deep in my bones. It's helped me make sense of life when life was changing faster than I wanted it to. And it's also where the name A Season of Caring came from, because caring for someone you love really is a season. Sometimes it's a long one, sometimes it's a tender season, sometimes it's really confusing season, and sometimes it's a season that asks for more than you ever expected. But every season matters. Every season invites us to pay attention. And I think that's what I wanna talk about today.

Honoring The Season You Are In

Rayna Neises 1:23

I wanna talk about how honoring the caregiving season you're in right now, and what that looks like. Because one of the things that I've learned is that not every caregiving season looks the same, and I think sometimes we forget that. We talk about caregiving as if it's one kind of experience, but it really isn't.

What Caring For Mom Taught

Rayna Neises 1:44

My caregiving season with my mom was completely different than caring for my dad, and each one taught me something completely different about love, faith, and presence My season with my mom was more of a part-time thing. I was young, in my late teens when she was diagnosed and into my 20s, and that season, it taught me to trust God even when things just didn't make sense. I didn't have all the tidy answers. I didn't even understand all that God was doing. I just knew I needed him, and that season formed something in me because it taught me that faith was not always about understanding. Sometimes it is simply about trusting that God is still God and still in the middle of the circumstances even when they feel so uncertain.

Dad’s Season Costs And Gifts

Rayna Neises 2:40

Then later, during my dad's season, that season was completely different. It was more demanding. It asked much more of me. It changed and shaped my days and even the shape of my life in the ways that were just real. I let go of my part-time teaching job. I stopped volunteering at church teaching Financial Peace University. I missed my youngest son's school activities and grandkids' birthday parties, some of the ordinary day-to-day life with my husband. And I think it matters to say that out loud because caregiving, it does cost something. It costs time. It costs energy It costs the presence in other places. And when you are honest about that, I think it helps us to hold our own hearts with more compassion. But even with all of those costs, my dad's season was also beautiful. I got to support him when he needed it most. I got to make memories with him that I would not trade for the world. We laughed. We played ping pong. We picked up leaves. And I learned how to be more present, how to stop rushing ahead to the next thing, but rather stop measuring my days by my productivity alone and instead really just to be there for what was unfolding in front of me. I also developed a deeper friendship with my sister in that season, and I got to know my Aunt Colleen in ways I hadn't before. So that season held both things. It held sacrifice and beauty. It held grief and gratitude. It held letting go and receiving. And maybe that is part of what makes caregiving so sacred and so hard. Because very often we are not choosing between what matters and what doesn't matter. We are choosing between many things that all matter. The time I missed at home mattered. The time that I spent with my dad mattered. The ordinary life with my husband mattered. My family mattered. Life on the farm mattered. All time is irreplaceable. Once it's gone, it's gone, and that is exactly why discernment matters so much.

Discernment When Time Is Irreplaceable

Rayna Neises 5:26

That has become one of the deepest truths for me. All time is irreplaceable, which means when we are in a caregiving season, we have to be willing to prayerfully consider what this season requires and how we want to spend it, not perfectly, not fearfully, but intentionally. And maybe that is a place for you to pause, too, and consider the season that you're in right now, not the one you were in a year ago or even one a few months ago. Not even the one you keep wishing that you could go back to, but the one you are in today. What is this season asking of you that another season didn't ask? What feels harder now than it ever used to? What are you still trying to carry simply because you have always carried it? And what might God be inviting you to do differently in this season? Not because you're failing, but because the season has changed. this is where the verse from Ecclesiastes steadied me, in so many times because it reminded me this season would not be forever. I knew that even when I walked my dad all the way home, there would still be time for other things in my life. I think that truth gave me permission to be where I was without feeling like I had to cling tightly to everything else. I like routine. I like things to be predictable. I like to know what to expect, but that is not how God designed this life. He designed it in seasons, and that means what is needed in one season may not be what is needed in another. My mom's season asked something of me And my dad's season asked something completely different. Neither one was less meaningful. Neither one was wrong. They were simply different. And faithfulness looked different in each one. I think that is important for caregivers to hear because sometimes we compare ourselves to somebody else or even to an earlier version of ourselves, and we think we should still be able to do all the same things the same way. Maybe this season is asking something different of you. Maybe this season is asking you to let go of some things with intention, or it's asking you to hold on more tightly to what is really important. Maybe it's asking you to trust that doing what you can in this moment with what you have in this moment is enough. And I think one of the hardest parts about a changing season is that we do not always recognize it right away. Sometimes we just feel tired or behind or a little more emotional than usual, but we assume the problem is that we are not managing well enough, when really it may be that something has shifted, and we may not stop long enough to notice it. The needs, they just might have changed. Our own capacity might have changed. What used to work may no longer work the same way, and that can be frustrating I tell you from experience, because most of us would rather keep using the same plan than admit we need a new one. I know for me, I like routine. I like knowing what to expect. So when a season changes, I am not always welcome it right away. Sometimes I wanna keep holding things together in the old way simply because it's familiar. I think caregivers do that more often than we realize. We keep trying to live by the expectations of a former season, and then we wonder why everything feels heavier. Because sometimes it feels heavier because the season is heavier, and wisdom begins when we are honest about that And honesty can be hard. Once we admit a season's changed, then we may also have to admit that something else needs to change too.

Letting Go Without Losing Yourself

Rayna Neises 10:03

Maybe an expectation needs to be changed. Maybe a commitment needs to be let go of, or the way that we ask for help needs to change. Maybe the picture we had in our minds of how this would look needs to change. And I think that is where so much of the emotional struggle really is. It's not only that caregiving is demanding, it's that it keeps asking us to release what no longer fits, even when we're not ready to let go. That can feel spiritual too, because sometimes letting go sounds simple when people say it quickly. But in real life, it often comes with grief. It can feel like laying down something meaningful, something life-giving, something familiar and comfortable, something that's helped us feel like ourselves. And if we're not careful, we can begin to confuse letting go with losing ourselves. And we can think that if we release something, then we're failing somehow. But I don't think it's true. I think there are seasons when letting go is actually an act of wisdom, even an act of trust. It's saying, "Lord, I can't carry everything the same way in this season, so show me what is mine to hold and what's mine to release." And maybe that's part of what makes discernment so important. Not every tired feeling means something has to be dropped, and not every hard thing means that you're in the wrong place. Sometimes the question is simply whether what you're carrying still belongs in this season. Is it life-giving or is it draining what needs to be saved for something more important? Is it helping us to love well or is it scattering our attention and pulling us so stretched thin that we can't be present anymore? Is it something God is still asking of us or something we just keep doing out of habit, guilt, or even fear? I think those are tender questions and they deserve time. They deserve prayer and honesty because when we don't pause to ask them, we can stay stuck trying to maintain a version of life that no longer fits the reality that we're living. We could be wearing shorts in the middle of the winter and that is just exhausting and really not logical But when we begin to notice the shift, we begin to name what is changing. There can actually be a little relief in that. Not because everything else gets easier all at once, but because now we are responding to the season that we are actually in instead of the one that we keep trying to recreate. And that may be where some of you are today. Maybe deep down you already know the season is changing. Maybe you can feel it in your body, in your emotions, in the pace of your days, in the increasing need of the person that you love, or in the fact that what used to feel manageable now feels like too much. And if that's where you are, I just want to say gently that noticing the change is not weakness. It's just wisdom. Naming that something is no longer fits is not failure. It's the beginning of carrying more truthfully To let go with intention, not give up, not stop caring, not become careless, but to recognize that there are seasons when wisdom looks like laying something down so that you can fully be present to what matters most in that season. There are things we keep holding simply because we always have. There are responsibilities we keep saying yes to because we don't want to admit life has changed. There are expectations we place on ourselves because we want to prove that we can still manage it all. But caregiving has a way of bringing us back to what is real. And reality can be a grace when we stop fighting it. And that may mean something very practical to you. It may mean looking at your calendar and admitting there's something on it that no longer fits the season. It may mean saying no to one commitment so that you can say yes to being present at home. It may mean asking for help instead of continuing to tell yourself you should be able to handle it on your own. It may mean simplifying something that you've been making harder than it needs to be, or maybe It simply means taking a breath and being honest that this season requires more of you, and because of that, it's okay for other things to look different right now. I

Value Yourself While You Care

Rayna Neises 15:21

also think it's important to say that valuing the person you are caring for doesn't mean you stop valuing yourself. My dad's season taught me how to care for him and still value me. That was an important lesson because I think many caregivers begin to disappear inside of their responsibilities. They become so focused on the next need and the next task and the next crisis that they begin to live as though they no longer matter. But you do matter. Your soul matters. Your health matters. Your relationships matter. Your limits matter. Caring well for someone else and valuing yourself are not opposites. They belong together. So as you think about your season, maybe part of what you need to ask is, where have you stopped valuing you? Maybe you've stopped resting or stopped asking for help. Or have you stopped making space for your own grief or your own joy? Maybe you've begun to believe that being a good caregiver means disappearing completely, and I just don't believe that is what God asks of us. I know He invites us to love faithfully, yes, but also honestly, humbly, and within the reality of our humanity.

No Regrets Means Faithful Presence

Rayna Neises 17:02

When I talk about living and caregiving with no regrets, I'm not talking about perfection. I don't believe it's possible. No regrets to me is being able to look back and know that you did all that you could to the best of your ability in that moment. With what you knew, what you had, and where you wished you had done something differently, you have allowed God to grow you and teach you through it. That feels much more honest to me than some polished idea of getting it all right. No regrets is absolutely not perfection. It is faithful presence. It's humility, growth, and it is definitely grace. So maybe that is the invitation today, to consider your season. Not the season you wish you were in, not the season you thought you would be in, not the season somebody else seems to be in, but your season. What is this season asking of you? What is it giving to you? And what needs to be laid down so that something more important can be held? What would this season look like if you were just to trust that God is present here too? And maybe the most practical thing you can take after listening today is simply make a little space to sit with the Lord and ask him those questions. Ask him to show you what belongs in this season and what doesn't. Ask Him where you need to release something with intention and where you need to be more fully present. Ask Him to help you to see what matters most right now. You don't have to figure out the whole road alone. You don't have to solve every next season's problems while you're still in this one. You just need enough grace for the step in front of you, because He is. He's present in the season that makes sense and the one that doesn't. He's present in the part-time season and the all-consuming one. He is there in the letting go and the holding on. He is present in the ordinary moments and in the holy ones, and often those turn out to be the same thing. So if you're in a hard season right now, one that is stretching you or costing you or asking you more than you expected, I just want to remind you that this season matters. It will not last forever, because no season does. But while you're in it, it matters. And it may be that when you look back, you will not only see what it costs, but also what it gave you. Maybe it will have deepened your faith. Maybe it will have taught you presence like my season did. Maybe it will have revealed to you what matters most and shaped relationships in beautiful ways you could not have predicted. Maybe it'll be one of those seasons you never would have chosen and yet still would not trade for anything.

Free Reflection Guide And Closing

Rayna Neises 20:42

If you're listening today and thinking, "Yes, I know something is shifting, but I have not really stopped to put words to it," I created a simple one-page reflection for you called What Season Am I In? It's a gentle guide to help you notice what may be changing. Consider what this season is asking of you, and prayerfully reflect on what you may need to let go of and what you want to hold close. You can find that free download on the show notes page at aseasonofcaring.com. Friend, I hope that you will take the time to consider your season when deciding how to spend it, because all time is irreplaceable. And this season, the one that you are in right now, deserves your prayerful attention. Thank you for joining me today on A Season of Caring Podcast, where there is hope to live content, love well, and to care without regret. If this episode encourages you, I would love for you to share it with a friend who may need it too. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe so that you don't miss future episodes. And until next time, remember, there is hope even in the hard, and you are not walking this road alone. If you have financial, medical, or legal questions, be sure to consult your local professionals and take heart in your season of caring