The New Year has arrived!

Which means it’s the season of New Year’s Resolutions!  If you are like me, then it feels like there is no way you can even think about doing one more thing right now?  During my caring season of my dad, I had so much on my plate I knew there was no point in even trying to do one more thing.

So this New Year I want to give you permission to not make a New Year’s Resolution.  Rather, I would like to share with you some UnResolutions for 2020!

I hope these UnResolutions help you exhale and feel some relief. 

Give yourself permission to :

  1. Stop being a hero.  Carrying the weight of caring for others can be very difficult.  Remember don’t do it alone.  Find your Robin, Tonto, and Ethel.  You do not have to go this season alone.  Find a support group, family member or a coach (ME)  to help you navigate the day to day life of caregiving.


2. Stop the Guilt.  Guilt often develops in areas that we don’t even realize we have feelings around or even areas others would view as unimportant.  You know, feeling guilty that you are not at all of your grandkids ballgames or that you can’t attend your bunko group like you used to.

Identifying areas you are experiencing guilt in can be the first step to dealing with it.  In fact, just talking about your guilt might help you see things differently. Realizing things are different for just a season might help you.

While most of the psychological effects of guilt are similar to depression there are some physical effects too.  They can include insomnia, a loss of appetite, and an overall dreary feeling. Not dealing with your guilt can lead to more serious issues like depression.


3.  Stop Neglecting YOU.  This one could feel like a to do if you haven’t been doing it.  But it really isn’t negotiable.  You have to take care of you.

Don’t neglect important health check-ups or even dental cleanings.  Invest time in important relationships and remember to find things to laugh about often.  Your physical and mental health are two things you can’t replace.

Neglecting you will not make caring for them easier.  I know you know this, just be sure you are living it out in 2020.


2020 is here and you are doing a great job of caring for your parents.  Keep up the hard work and remember to leave the stuff that isn’t making the job easier behind!

Rayna Neises: A Season of Caring