Rayna Neises: [00:00:00] Hey, caregiver friends. Welcome back to A Season of Caring Podcast. I’m your host, Rayna Neises, and this is a place where we share stories of hope for family caregivers and where we hold onto the truth that even in the hardest seasons, God is still here today. I wanna talk about something I think we don’t always realize we’re doing.

We’re looking for the miracle. We’re praying for it. We’re hoping for it. We’re waiting for things to change, and that is not wrong, but sometimes we focus so much on what we think the miracle should look like we actually miss the ways that God is already showing up right in the middle, right here, right where you are.

Oh, I can remember [00:01:00] sitting on the couch with my mom listening to Elvis records. We spent hours, most of the time at this point, my mom was just speaking gibberish. I mean, like we could not have a real conversation and that was just part of the season that we were in, but you turn on that music and oh my gosh, her face just lit up.

Something completely shifted in her. She had so much joy. And sometimes she could even sing the lyrics. It was crazy. It didn’t fix anything. It didn’t change her condition or the outcome of her disease. But in that moment, there was a connection, there was a joy, there was something that felt like a gift.

And looking back, I don’t think that [00:02:00] that was just a coincidence. I think that that was God meeting us right there on that couch. And I think what made that so meaningful is that for a while I had been grieving what we had lost. The conversations, the connections, just normal moments between mother and daughter.

 And it would’ve been really easy to just sit there and think, this isn’t what it used to be. This isn’t what I want it to be. I just want a mom. But in that moment, God gently shifted my attention to what was still there, and that was my sweet mom. I wonder how often we miss that because we’re complaining or comparing it to what used to be or what we thought it would be.

No, it wasn’t the miracle that I’d prayed for. But it was still [00:03:00] him right there with us on the couch offering a gift.

There were so many seasons with my dad that felt really hard in a lot of different ways. He would get infections and every time he did it would be just crazy. Those of you that are caring for someone who has UTIs frequently, whether they have brain change or not, you know what I’m talking about?

It is amazing how those infections can impact just their mental capacity. And you’ve walked through it, you know how discouraging it can be, but definitely when they’re in the middle of it, you just think to yourself, is this our new normal is? Yeah. This, what I can expect from here on out. Is this as good as it’s gonna get?

And in those [00:04:00] moments, God didn’t always immediately change the situation. Dad didn’t get better overnight, but He was so faithful, so faithful to remind me. God said to me over and over again, I’m here with you in the season. I will provide for you what you need. Not answers for the future, not a guarantee for what is next, but enough, enough for that moment.

Have you found yourself there too? Do you remember to stop and listen to what He’s telling you, or are you just busy dealing with the crisis? It’s easy to do. It’s easy to stay in the crisis and forget to listen, but I wanna encourage you to do that.

I will never forget the time that he fell in the bathroom. He was feeling weak and we kind of knew something was a little off, but oh my gosh, this was a hard fall and we really weren’t even sure if he’d hit his [00:05:00] head. It was so scary. He couldn’t tell us if he was okay. He was just really startled and just not really able to communicate very well. It was just one of those moments that really shook me and I remember standing there just trying to figure out what the next right step was.

Do I take him to the hospital? Do I not? Am I missing something? What caused this? Is he really okay? Is he not? I don’t know. He couldn’t tell me even if he was in pain. I just didn’t know for sure. I felt like we probably should go, but I just really wasn’t sure. So I did what so many of us do in those moments.

I just prayed. I just said, God, I need wisdom. I do not know what the right call is in this situation. And almost immediately I remembered. We had a concierge [00:06:00] doctor. I could reach out, I could ask her what I needed to do. We had someone who was there to offer those answers to those questions. So I sent her a message and she called right back and we talked through it.

She helped me to feel confident and the decision to not go to the hospital by explaining all the tests they would do on him and what they’d probably tell us in results and what to really think about or watch while here in the next few hours to make sure I wasn’t missing anything and that if we did need to go, we could still do that afterward. I can remember thinking, I am not doing this alone. God didn’t just give me peace in that moment. He had already provided for what I needed. I just needed to remember to use it. That can happen, can’t it? We can be so stuck in the crisis in the moment that we even for get the blessings that he’s already given us, whether it be family members who can answer questions [00:07:00] or resources that are just right there. I think this is where we can miss it so many times as caregivers,

I think all of this can be summed up in one thing. Sometimes we decide what the miracle should be. Or what it should look like. We pray for healing. We pray for things to go back to the way that they used to be. We pray for the situation to change, and again, it’s not that that is wrong, but when we define the miracle, we can miss the ways that God is already working because maybe the miracle isn’t in the outcome. Maybe it’s in the moment of connection on the couch. Maybe it’s in the strength to walk through another setback. Maybe the miracle is just having the [00:08:00] wisdom to make that really hard decision. The person who shows up right when you need them, they are the miracle.

God is moving, he is still moving. And maybe as you’re listening, you can already think of something, a place where things didn’t turn out the way that you’d hoped. A prayer that just hasn’t been answered the way that you wanted it. A situation that just keeps going longer than you expected.

And if you’re honest, it’s easy to feel disappointed, maybe even discouraged because it isn’t the miracle you were asking for. But what if there were moments you’ve overlooked. Not because they weren’t meaningful, but because they didn’t match what you were looking [00:09:00] for. It just might not look the way that we expect. And in fact, in my life, it hardly ever does. So what do we do with that? Let me give you a few simple ways to actually live this out in your everyday day to day caregiving.

Number one, pause and ask what’s working right now? At the end of every day, instead of just replaying everything that went wrong, which is so easy to do, try asking yourself one simple question, what worked today? Maybe it was small. Maybe it it’s that your loved one had a good moment, or that a conversation went smoother than usual.

Or even that you made it through the day and you’re now laying in bed getting some rest. It counts. They all count because when we start noticing what is working, it [00:10:00] shifts how we experience the whole day. It really does.

Number two, redefine what you’re calling a miracle. Instead of only looking for the big change or the end. The way you want it to be. Instead, start noticing the calm moments, the good conversations, the right help at the right time. They count. In fact, they have a bigger impact on your caregiving than you even realize.

Alright, number three, capture the moments you don’t want to miss. You can keep it simple. Just a note in your phone or a quick sentence at the end of the day, today, I saw God in, because if you don’t name them, they’re so easy to overlook. There is always good. There is always something to be [00:11:00] thankful for.

Number four, in the hard decisions, stop and invite God in. On purpose, not just a quick reaction prayer, but a pause. Take that deep breath and ask God, show me the next right step. And then listen. Remember his sheep, they know his voice. You can hear him. He will answer. Don’t forget to ask. Go on and think, who has he already placed in your life? What resource do you already have that can help meet this need? Sometimes, in fact, many times the answer is already there. All right.

Number five, gently release your grip on what the outcome has to be. Mm. This is a hard one, but it [00:12:00] is so freeing. I think I know how things should go. I really do. Not to mention how they should end up, but I’m not God and he is always good, so his ways are good too. I just have to remind myself, you can still have hope, you can still pray, but you can also say, God, I trust you to show up even if it looks different than I expected it.

I wanna take just a moment before we close here and I want you to think about your own season right now. Where are you waiting for a miracle? And just ask yourself, gently be kind. Have I already seen God show up in what I didn’t expect? Maybe it was a person. Maybe it was a moment of [00:13:00] peace. Maybe it was strength that you didn’t know you had. Don’t rush past it because that might be one of the ways that God is reminding you. I’m here.

All right. If you’re in the middle right now, not at the beginning, not at the breakthrough, just in the long, ordinary, sometimes heavy middle. I want you to know this. God is not waiting at the end of your story to show up. He really isn’t. He’s already right there with you in the quiet moments, in the hard decisions, in the people around you and in the strength you just didn’t even know that you had.

Don’t miss him because you’re only looking for the miracle that you imagined. He [00:14:00] is already moving. He really is.

Thank you so much for joining me today on A Season of Caring Podcast. As always, I hope this encourages you to keep living content, loving well, and caring without regrets. I would love to have you as a guest on my podcast. We want to talk about where God’s showing up in your caregiving season, so reach out to Rayna@aseasonofcaring.com and let’s talk about having you share your stories of hope on the podcast. Alright? Remember, if you have legal, financial, or medical questions, be sure to consult those local professionals and take heart in your season of caring.