The nightmare is starting over again.
At 16 I overheard a conversation on the phone, some of you will remember what it was like to have one phone line into the house and 3 extensions. You could pick up a phone and someone else might be on the line, at which time you usually, hang up.
That day I overheard my dad telling his sister that the doctor had diagnosis my mom with Alzheimer’s disease. I hung up quickly but the truth was out. The results were in. What did that mean for our family?
I did some research and learned of the awful journey we were in for. Of course as a teenager I had limited understanding of all that was to come but one thing was for sure. my mom was dying.
12 years, more heart ache than imagined, later my mom passed away leaving my dad lost and grieving. I feel he has never really recovered from missing her or learned to imagine life without her, much less live it.
So 8 years later when he told me he was worried that something was wrong with his memory. I assured him, we don’t know what normal aging looks like since my grandparents had all died young and we had watched my mom pass at 65.
Just go to the doctor, I’m sure he will say that you are fine.
That was not what happened. A diagnosis of Mind Cognitive Impairment was the results of his testing. The big problem is the majority of the time this disease progresses into Alzheimer’s. This is what happened within a few short years. The first time we heard the doctor use that word I felt like I could not breathe.
My struggle with God
God this CANNOT be! NOT DAD! Not Dad too! I can’t do this. I can’t watch this amazing, strong, caring, encouraging, intelligent man, my dad; disappear in front of my eyes. Please NO!
You gave me a life 4 hours from him. How can I care for him from here?
Giving up to His will
“I have a plan my child,” came the still calming voice of my Lord. He laid on my heart that I was just where He put me and so was my sister. My sister and her family live 2 miles away from the home I grew up in and the home in which my dad still lives.
To be honest with you I have never been OK with what is happening to my dad but I do know that my Lord is good and He is trustworthy.
My heart breaks watching my dad disappear before my eyes but my love for him doesn’t change. God has given me the amazing opportunity to keep the life he blessed me with in Belle Plaine and still be able to help take care of my dad.
No God has not healed dad and with all my heart I wish that he would but through all the things the Lord has walked with me through, I know beyond any doubt that pushing into His love, we will be OK. It is not what I want for me or my family but it is in God’s hands and He is more capable than any of us. Resting in His love and trusting His Faithfulness is the only way to walk with my family down this path again.
I just recently ran across this verse and plan to memorize it in order to help with this stage of the journey with dad. I hope it blesses you too.
Rayna, you speak from the heart! Thanks for sharing your life’s journey with us…you are truly an inspiration!
Thanks for the encouraging words, Katie!