[00:00:00] Hi, I am Rayna Neises

Mia Godfrey: Okay.

Rayna Neises: your host of A Season of Caring Podcast, where we share stories of hope with family caregivers pushing past the busyness and loneliness of caregiving. To see God even in this season. Today, I’m excited to introduce you to my special guest, Mia. Mia Godfrey is a certified life coach, keynote speaker, and EME practitioner, author, and dedicated to helping others find hope, healing, and purpose after life’s most difficult seasons. Born and raised in Romania during the communist era, Mia’s early experience shaped her deep resilience and faith. After moving to the United States in 2008 she built a career with more than 20 years of a leadership experience while continuing to pursue her passion for serving and empowering others. coaching, speaking and writing, Mia helps individuals rebuild trust, rediscover their identity and move forward after loss, trauma or major life transitions. [00:01:00] Her work is rooted in authenticity, compassion, and the belief that even the hardest chapters of life can lead to meaningful new beginnings. Mia lives in Knoxville, Tennessee with her husband Kenny, and is the proud mother of their two grown children. Ally and Isaac, welcome me. I’m so glad to have you here today.

Mia Godfrey: Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.

Rayna Neises: So let’s just start off by having you tell us a little bit about your caregiving experience.

Mia Godfrey: So the first time I was exposed to caregiving, it was when my father got ill and my mom was the caretaker. And I was listening to one of your episode and you were talking about, the season of guilt that some people experience. Well, by watching my mom and taking care of my father. I think I developed that, self-sacrificing type of caregiving that you never stop, you never take care of yourself. So when my [00:02:00] sister got ill in 2023, I was here in the States. She was the only sister I had in the States. She was in Montana and I was actually in Knoxville, Tennessee. And I went to visit her and the day we went there, we learned she had ovarian cancer. My husband was with me, but after we talk, we decide that I will remain there in Montana and he said, “Baby, we’re just gonna make it work.” So I traveled back and forth as needed, but I was there for 11 months taking care of my sister.

She had an amazing, wonderful husband But she also have four little children. And, her husband Sam, had to go to work. So I remain like more of the caretaker 24/7. And it was one of the hardest season, in my life because like I said, I’ve watched my mom sacrificing in [00:03:00] every single stage, and I thought that that was normal. You have to do that. And, from that, it turned into my health also not being what it needs to be because, you know, I always said, I said to my husband, I said to my friends, I said, now it’s time to pour into my sister. Give everything I can and I’ll take care of myself when time comes. So it was definitely the longest 11 months.

Rayna Neises: Part of my story is that my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: and. My dad was an amazing primary caregiver for her for 12 years. He kept her at home all the way through I knew what caregiving looked like. I mean, I took his place and sent him off on vacation and took care of her and bathed her. All of those things. But until you are that 24/7 day after day, month after month,

Mia Godfrey: [00:04:00] Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: You don’t realize how much it takes out of you. And I think so many caregivers find themselves at that place where they’re just totally burnt out

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: they don’t know how they’re gonna do one more day,

Mia Godfrey: Yes.

Rayna Neises: It just can become so overwhelming and I hope that as we have these conversations, of what people will take out of it is. They can do it differently.

Mia Godfrey: Yes.

Rayna Neises: take care of someone else take care of yourself. It doesn’t mean you can do everything. It means that it looks different, and finding how it looks to be able to sustain yourself

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: I think makes such an important piece of caregiving because

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: really know how long

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: our caregiving seasons will last.

Mia Godfrey: Yes.

Rayna Neises: Sometimes it’s a little more

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: difficult to really know. And when we go at it like a sprint,

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: usually find ourselves in trouble.

Mia Godfrey: Yes. And [00:05:00] there’s also, Rayna it’s important to know that there’s group and communities out there that you can talk to. I didn’t really know that. I have friends reaching out that tried to help. My husband, but I felt so guilty that I thought if I reach out, maybe it shows like I complain or it shows like I can’t do it, or it shows that I want things to be different and I didn’t want my caregiving journey to look like I’m not giving a hundred percent to take care of my sister.

But now looking back, we can do both. You can take care of yourself. You can find a community to encourage you and uplift you, and you can find a community that helped you and give you advice because I Googled everything. Like I didn’t know anything about, like if they get sore on their body from laying on the bed or how to administer the [00:06:00] medication or all of that.

Now when I look back, I wish I would’ve looked in the community like, Hey, how did you handle it? How did you take care of that? Because, you are right. You don’t know how long the season is, and it’s okay to actually take care of yourself while doing it. Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: Do you think that anybody could have given you permission to take care of yourself during your caregiving? Do you think it would’ve mattered?

Mia Godfrey: I think it would have if I would’ve reached out to any of my friends or any of my family, or if my husband and said, Hey, I am absolutely drained right now and it’s okay to cry and said, I’m dry and, and not, I’m not saying that to complain.

Rayna Neises: I.

Mia Godfrey: Just to kind of let it up like it, it’s okay not to be okay.

Rayna Neises: Yes.

Mia Godfrey: I made her a promise she made me promise that I will believe in her healing all the way to the [00:07:00] end. I said, I believe that God will heal you. But a lot of times that was so hard because I walked away from her bed and go in the bathroom and just cry for a little bit, wash my face, go back, hold her hand, massaging her hand and just be there and said, I believe that you gonna get healed.

And I do believe she got healed on the other life. She’s in heaven. She’s pain free, but it would’ve been okay for me to pick up the call and pick up the phone and call somebody and say, I struggle. Would you pray with me?

Rayna Neises: Yeah.

Mia Godfrey: And I knew people were praying. I knew that, but I felt like if I show that, maybe shows like, oh, I’m drained. I didn’t want people to focus on my pain. I wanted them to focus and pray for her and her family and her babies and her husband. But. Yeah, there’s a lot of resources now I’m learning more.

Rayna Neises: Yeah, it’s [00:08:00] hard . One of the things I love about the podcast is I hope that as many people that are hearing it will hear that others have walked this and,

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: Find that support through books,

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: Support groups, through podcasts. Don’t think you are the only one because though all of our situations are completely individual, because all of us are.There’s still things that we can do to help and support each other, and there’s people out there that want to do that. that’s the whole reason why we get up in the morning, is to be able to support you and to offer the wisdom that we’ve learned through the walk.

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: I appreciate you sharing that because I do think a lot of people find themselves in that place.

Mia Godfrey: Yeah, so true.

Rayna Neises: So tell us one thing that surprised you most about caregiving.

Mia Godfrey: Wow.

Rayna Neises: So many

Mia Godfrey: There were so many things. One of ’em is like, how much I did not know. We did not have, in-house nurse, until she [00:09:00] was unconscious. Three days prior to her passing,

Rayna Neises: Wow.

Mia Godfrey: we finally called somebody. Um. But it surprised me actually how much I didn’t know and how much I’ve learned in the 11 months from Western medication to holistic medication to foods, to how to change bandages, how to, like everything that I did not.

No, it was so much like literally 24 7. But one of the, the most important part that I believe it made a difference, in my caregiving journey. The doctors told Herro early on, she only has six months. Well, she was with us 11 months, and I will forever be grateful for that time.

I think what is most important besides the medication and all of that, for them to know that, hey, you’re not a burden. I’m here [00:10:00] and I will love you with all my heart until the end, and I will do everything I can to make you comfortable and hold your hand and brush your hair like that, love and connection and read the Bible to them.

That one I think it meant more. To her than anything else. In caregiving, sometimes I’m not speaking for everybody ’cause I don’t know everybody’s journey. But sometimes like you wanna do so much, so much, oh, we gotta do this, I’ve gotta do this. We need to make sure. But no, I think the most important part is just.

Sit beside them, love on them, sing with them, read to them. Just be present and don’t, pass ’em off like they’re a burden because she was never a burden.

Rayna Neises: And I think it is a very typical feeling

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: that are being cared for when they become, because none of us have been that dependence since we were babies, [00:11:00] right?

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: as we get to the point that we just can’t do for ourselves.

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: just being with them and enjoying their company and sharing and making memories together, that actually helps them not to feel like they’re a burden

Mia Godfrey: Yes.

Rayna Neises: about the relationship

Mia Godfrey: Yes.

Rayna Neises: get done too.

Mia Godfrey: Slowly.

Rayna Neises: So share with us one time that God really showed up for you.

Mia Godfrey: Oh, every day. Every day. In the last few months, I actually stayed in the living room. She could not sleep in the bed. It was too high. So I stayed with her in the living room and I was sleeping in recliner. And I remember like I was getting up every two hours. And after a few months in the recliner, my back was absolutely not having it.

And every few hours I moved the recliner so close where I can hold her hand, and if she needed something, she just squeezed in my hand because I was so tired I could not keep my eyes open, [00:12:00] not keep dozing off. Sitting and even in those moments where it was like, I can’t function, I, I’m not able to, and I had to work. I worked remotely also, and I was sitting with the laptop in the bed with her and just tried to get my work done also. And even in the moments that I felt like I don’t think I can, go past another hour without sleeping, God always found a way. I don’t know where my energy came from. I really don’t because now when I look back I was waking up every few hours. A holistic doctor told me to give her something to eat every two hours, like some type of soup before the medication. So I was really waking up, starting, like putting things warm up on the stove and I was awake for at least maybe an hour, then feed her and then I help her, give her the medication for her to go back to bed. So my nights were like kind of, I had no concept what night, what day,

Rayna Neises: yes.

Mia Godfrey: I’m looking back, I said [00:13:00] only through God’s grace I was able to actually, make it through it. But every single day was a learning experience and I’ve seen God’s hands in it every step of the way.

Rayna Neises: He’s, so faithful and.

Mia Godfrey: He’s,

Rayna Neises: In the thick of it. Sometimes we just don’t see it, but

Mia Godfrey: yeah.

Rayna Neises: and I think taking those moments to cry out and to really listen and to look and to ask for him to show you.

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: often pray with caregivers and just say, Lord, just show yourself.

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: because we know you’re here, but we don’t always have the

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: see.

And.It is so encouraging to know that we’re not alone in that, even when we have no more energy. So

that, just what you were able to

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: time to just really be able to support her and then, to keep your job and to do the other things that had to be done

Mia Godfrey: That was a God thing as well.

Rayna Neises: Yeah

Mia Godfrey: I remember one time I was in front of the sink and I was [00:14:00] doing dishes, and she asked me to bring her clothes. She had a huge window where she could see them. Sunset in front of the sink. And, I was doing dishes and she smiled and said, SIS, don’t take this for granted because I will give anything right now, anything to be able to stand up out of this chair and do my own dishes and not depend on somebody else.

And that’s stuck with me. And even when I came home. Every time there were dishes instead of all time, instead of putting them in the dishwasher, I turned the water on and just wash ’em really quick because I don’t have to, but I get to do ’em. I don’t have to do ’em. God gave me the health, gave me a family that Dirty Dishes

Rayna Neises: Yes.

Mia Godfrey: I get to do that. That is a blessing, but I’ve never seen it that way before. I was like, I’m so tired. I just wanna leave them in the sink or you know, put ’em in the dishwasher [00:15:00] and she said, I will give anything and a different one she always used to say. Like if I ever, if I was upset or frustrated or tired, she says Sis. Say, yeah. God is so good. And there were times I was gonna in the bathroom and just cry. And I was like, how can you say that? And I’m not saying it. So even all the way through the end she showed that, love and gratefulness to God and said, don’t ever, you know, like, with the sunset, I’ll never look at sunset or sunrise ever the same because she says like.

Isn’t God good? Says, look at that. Say never take it for granted. ’cause you don’t know if you’re gonna get one tomorrow or catch one and little, little things. She had an ability to see the blessing in every little thing. No matter what happened. She always says, God is so good, sis. So that’s [00:16:00] something that I, I start using it more and pay attention to the little things that we forget sometimes.

Rayna Neises: Beautiful. I think God gives a special grace to people

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: that are closer to walking

Mia Godfrey:

Rayna Neises: You

Mia Godfrey: yeah.

Rayna Neises: that’s part of being able to walk them home is seeing that grace that they have and seeing that there’s not the fear there

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: She knew that God was good no matter what happens.

Mia Godfrey: She did.

Rayna Neises: And being that testimony to you, and then for you to be able to share it with others. That’s really beautiful.

Mia Godfrey: Yeah, she used to also 24 7, she said, if you walk out of the room, I need you to have my phone and play reading the Bible. And it used to be by her head. And one time I wanted to switch, do you like some music? And she said, no, no, no. I want the Bible. She [00:17:00] said, because if I don’t, the devil will put negative thoughts in my mind and I wanna trust the Lord until the end, and I wanna listen to God’s word until the end twenty four seven. We had the phone playing at her head. Yeah.

Rayna Neises: That’s powerful.

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: to think of his word and realize how much power is in His word.

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: We take it for granted

Mia Godfrey: we do.

Rayna Neises: bibles, we have it available so easily,

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: there is such power in it to really make

Mia Godfrey: Yeah. Truly is.

Rayna Neises: So What would be one thing that you would share that helps you to live content, love well, and care without regrets.

Mia Godfrey: Keep a grateful heart. Try to find blessing in every little thing because no matter what you’re going through, no matter how hard your season is right now, if we take the time and just look at the blessings for that day, there are [00:18:00] so many, but we get wrapped up in every single day.

Drama or everything that happens every single day, that as soon as something happens, we just walk around like moping and upset. But no, if we just take a step back and look at the little moments, look at the little blessings. And if you feel like you have nothing to be grateful for, just look outside.

look at the beauty, look at the sunset, look at the sunrise. Anything we have a lot to be grateful for, and, take pleasure in those small moments because God is in every single one.

Rayna Neises: Gratitude is powerful and it is definitely learning to train yourself to see those little things.

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: there’s always so many things going on around us that it’s easy to miss the little

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: they are blessings and just even being able to [00:19:00] take a good deep breath,

Mia Godfrey: Yeah,

Rayna Neises: Is not everybody can do that.

Mia Godfrey: True.

Rayna Neises: be thankful for just even those simple things. So if you met somebody who’s just going into a caregiving season, what would you tell them? What would you like to pass on? be thankful for just even those simple things. So if you met somebody who’s just going into a caregiving season, what would you tell them? What would you like to pass on?

Mia Godfrey: It’s okay to reach out for help and it’s okay to take care of yourself. I was self-sacrificing because I thought that was the right thing to do. But if I could sit the cross from my sister right now, she’ll give me a ear full that you shouldn’t have done that. I needed you to take care of yourself and our loved ones once us once.

For us to be okay. And I knew that was her biggest [00:20:00] fear. It was not for her, passing away because she said, I’m gonna be with the Lord. But I said, I am worried for you, for my mom. I’m worried for the kids. I’m worried for my husband. And constantly she was worried for everybody else. So when we are in a season of caring.

They will like to know that we’re still taking care of ourselves, where we’re taking care of them. And that was something that I didn’t wanna listen if anybody reached out to say, take care of yourself. So, it’s okay to take care of yourself and reach out to a community because there are a lot of people that been through it and they made it on the other side.

Rayna Neises: I think it is a difficult walk because you are having to take on things that you’ve never taken on before. Your life was full and busy. You were working, you had other things, and then you moved and had this responsibility on top of your job and yourself and all of those things. So it is important to really [00:21:00] sort through all those other things and figure out, how do I do this?

Because it’s easy to say, but it’s not always easy to do. And I think that’s where, like you said, support groups or coaches can make such a difference in just being able to talk about it.

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: How do I prioritize? I always said I wanted to care for my dad in a way that. I had a life to walk back into. I didn’t wanna lose everything that was important to me, and I didn’t know how long we were gonna be caring for him. Four and a half years was a long

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: maintain friendships, to maintain hobbies,

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: Marriage healthy, to keep my relationships with my kids healthy. Those things all have to be on the radar,

Mia Godfrey: Yes.

Rayna Neises: we have to be I think, so intentional

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: those things, but. We don’t know how

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: last, and so we can’t just, towards it,

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: it.

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: it is important to be able to sort through and to really decide what are my values? [00:22:00] What is most important, what

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: Go of for a while? And I love the word seasons, obviously. I use it a lot because that’s what it’s about.

Mia Godfrey: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: that I’m letting this go. I can pick it up again when this season is over.

Mia Godfrey: Yes.

Rayna Neises: I don’t have to let things go forever.

Mia Godfrey: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: need to be intentional with the time that I have right now.

Mia Godfrey: That’s true. So true.

Rayna Neises: So Mia,, I know that you just released a book, tell us a little bit about that and how the listeners can learn more about, your books and, your speaking and things

Mia Godfrey: So a little bit of the story behind the book, when I was taking care of my sister, it came out that we made a lot of promises to each other when we were kids. And she say, you know, those are promises we should not made as a 5-year-old, 6-year-old, 7-year-old, and we promise we’ll take ’em with us to the grave.

Well, during the season of caring, she said, I want you to start writing it down some of the stories. So while I was taking [00:23:00] care of her, we were. Talking about some of the stories that we experienced together that, we promised we’re not gonna tell anybody and we are writing. She wrote some in her journals.

Well, when I came back home, I told my husband, I don’t know what to go from here. My sister was my lifeline and he encouraged me to see a therapist and They both encouraged, look, start writing what your sister said, and free your mind, free yourself from like, all of those.

So I start writing in the journal and fast forward a few months later, I showed to a few people and they said this is a book. You need to publish it. So it came officially, came out March 3rd, and it’s called Buried Not Broken, a Memoir of Survival Sisterhood, and Starting Over. And there’s a collection of stories from us growing up under the Communist regime in Romania, and it [00:24:00] highlights abuse and addiction and caregiving and grief and loss.

But through every single story, it highlights God’s grace and God’s goodness through every single stage of our life. So, if anybody’s interested, the book is again, Buried Not Broken, and it’s on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, and pretty much any site if you go, we have it in Audible and Kindle and, paperback. It’s our new book and We’ll release the second one, probably late summer this year, and, hopefully the third one beginning of next year.

Rayna Neises: So you definitely are busy still writing

Mia Godfrey: Yes,

Rayna Neises: about your sister and that relationship and that journey together, but it sounds like what a blessing to be able to have talked to her about those things and to know that she wanted to share it as well,

Mia Godfrey: Yes.

Rayna Neises: now that you’re the one who’s left [00:25:00] to write those stories, that you know you have her blessing

Mia Godfrey: Yes.

Rayna Neises: to encourage others because life is hard. Caregiving is hard.

Mia Godfrey: It’s

Rayna Neises: lot of hard things, but there’s always good in God, and so

Mia Godfrey: absolutely,

Rayna Neises: that. For sure.

Mia Godfrey: absolutely.

Rayna Neises: Well, thank you so much for being here with me today.

Mia Godfrey: Thank you so much Rayna. It was a true, true pleasure.

Rayna Neises: Listeners, thank you for joining us on the Season of Caring Podcast for Stories of Hope with Mia where there is hope to live content, love well, and care without regrets. If you have medical, financial, or legal questions, be sure to consult your local professionals and take heart in your season of caring.

*Transcript is an actual recount of the live conversation