[00:00:00] Hi, I’m Rayna Neises, your host of A Season of Caring Podcast. Where we share stories of hope for family caregivers breaking through the busyness and loneliness of caregiving to see God even in this season. If you’re listening today, chances are you didn’t plan in your life to look exactly like this.

Caregiving. It rarely announces itself politely. It shows up through a phone call or a diagnosis, even a slow realization that something’s changed and suddenly, your days, your energy and even your sense of self can begin to shift to become a caregiver. Today I am gonna talk to you about remembering your why in your caregiving, not a motivational speech here, not to keep pushing through, not from a place of guilt or pressure, but in a way that invites reflection, grace and even faithfulness because [00:01:00] sometimes the hardest part of caregiving, it really isn’t the physical part. It’s the quiet question that sneaks in when you’re really tired and you just can’t imagine you can keep going. Why am I doing this? And maybe even does it still matter?

Scripture gives us a really clear command that many caregivers know well. “Honor your father and mother, right? That your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” Right from Exodus 2012 and again in the New Testament, children obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother. Which is the first commandment with a promise. Ephesians 6:1-2

But honoring doesn’t always look like what you imagined. It doesn’t always feel tender. It definitely doesn’t always feel noble, and it certainly doesn’t always feel easy Honoring, it can look like rearranging your life altogether, like [00:02:00] stepping into responsibility you never expected, like loving faithfully when there’s no applause and very little clarity.

You know, for me, honoring my dad took shape in a way that honestly I didn’t expect. I know I had been through Alzheimer’s disease with my mom, but my dad was her primary caregiver. I stepped in and stepped away, and honestly, I had not thought through what it would look like when my dad got to that point, his sister was living with him. Things were going well, and then suddenly there’s the cancer diagnosis, skin cancer. Melanoma . The surgery went well, but the recovery did not. And we went from daily living activities, being independent and him just needing help with driving and a little bit of oversight to not being able to take care of himself and [00:03:00] complete overwhelm on my aunt’s side.

I don’t know why I hadn’t thought farther down the path, but my sister and I really hadn’t talked a lot about it, and suddenly we were at this place where decisions needed to be made. What were we gonna do? How were we gonna care for him? I was 220 miles away on the farm and I never really thought that it was an option for me to be a part of the Hands-on Care team.

But after a conversation with my husband who just said to me, Reyna, if you need to go and take care of your dad, then that’s what you need to do, and that changed everything. It gave me permission to look at what I really believed honoring was, and for my dad’s situation, a memory care facility just didn’t make sense.

He was still playing volleyball three times a week. He was still very [00:04:00] physically active. His idea of exercise was lifting weights. He enjoyed doing puzzles and being social and going places. It just didn’t seem like it would be a good fit for him. So. As we had that conversation, what could it look like for him to stay at home and for us to bring in help?

That’s what honoring looked like to me. It meant that I was stepping into a rhythm of caregiving that required a complete change of my life. For over two years. I traveled at 220 miles to stay within three days a week, and in the final two and a half years, I shifted to every other week.

But the weight of caregiving, you know, it never really goes away. I rearranged my schedule. I let go of my teaching job. I made intentional choices with my time and my work, and my energy, I had to [00:05:00] say yes to something that wasn’t convenient, but it was deeply meaningful to me. And here’s the part that I really wanna be honest with you about.

I didn’t step into caregiving because I felt guilty. I stepped in because it aligned with my values, my faith, and the kind of daughter that I wanted to be. That didn’t mean it was easy, it just meant that I had to be intentional. And I could do that.

 Intentional. What does that word mean to you? For me, intention was one of the most important things that I held onto. I learned that I had to be intentional with every minute, not just with my dad, where I had to be intentionally present or I had to learn how to be quiet, how to lower my expectations, how to meet him where he was, because he [00:06:00] couldn’t do any of those things for himself anymore.

He couldn’t be the one who could be kind or could adjust to the situation, his ability to honor me or think of my needs was gone. So I had to learn to do that for him all the time. And that was hard, but it was an intention. It was leading with love, it was remembering to let all that you do be done in love, like one Corinthians 16:24 tells us. But also at the farm when I was home with my stepson who was in high school with my grandson and granddaughter who were born during that season, it was being intentional with taking care of my health and paying attention to what I was eating or when I was eating.

It was learning to be intentional with my [00:07:00] energy, my emotional energy even. It was remembering to schedule fun times and down times, and memory making times. It was doing, and being on purpose. And being intentional can really change your caregiving season. So part of it is stopping to think about those values.

What is most important to me, and how do I focus on getting more of that? Right.

Caregiving can creep in for some people it didn’t for me because it was kind of an overnight thing, but for many, it’s a small one step at a time. It can slowly reshape your life, and sometimes caregiving can have a way of completely reshaping our lives dramatically. Your calendar changes, your priorities [00:08:00] shift, your flexibility really narrows.

And if we aren’t careful, caregiving can become the only lens which we see ourselves and all of life with. That’s when remembering your why matters. Not to push yourself harder, but to stay anchored because honoring the person that you’re caring for doesn’t mean erasing yourself. It doesn’t mean losing your identity, and it doesn’t mean doing everything alone. I had to be really intentional not to lose myself in this season. I checked in with myself regularly. I paid attention to what I needed and I made conscious decisions about what I could pause for a season and what I could not let go of. That kind of intentional living. It doesn’t happen by accident it happens prayerfully.

So here’s something that I’ve learned, and maybe you need to hear this today. [00:09:00] Your why can evolve without losing its holiness.

So what do I mean by your why shifting When we talk about caregiver, why we’re talking about motivation not in a hustle sense, but we’re talking about what anchors you. What helps you get up and keep showing up? What gives meaning when results are out of your control. In caregiving the why often shifts because the season itself changes. Here’s some examples of maybe a shifting in your why. One might be because reality replaces the expectation. Most caregivers begin with a why that sounds like, I wanna help them get better. I wanna fix this. I wanna repay them for what they gave me. But caregiving, especially long-term caregiving, it teaches us something humbling. Some situations don’t resolve. I’m here to change the outcome to I’m here [00:10:00] to be faithful in the process. That shift, it’s not failure, it’s formation.

Maybe another reason the why would shift is grief. Even before death, caregivers grieve the parents they once had, the relationship with the loved one. Or even the hope of the relationship they’ve always wanted to have, the future they imagined it would be early on. Your why may be fueled by love and determination, but later it might be sustained by obedience and trust, and God is not offended by that. God understands that grief reshapes our capacity. He doesn’t ask us to pretend otherwise.

Another example of a shift might be because God often invites us from doing to being. This is where faith plays a critical [00:11:00] role. Many caregivers start with a very task oriented, why? I did for sure do everything right, keep everything together, hold everyone up. But over time, God shifts the invitation from do more to be present. From prove your love “to abide in mine, “Remain in me, and I also will remain in you. Apart from me, you can do nothing.” John 15:4-5 and caregiving. Woo. We need to abide. There is no doubt. It’s a deep, deep calling.

God is at work in that shifting of the why. God is not surprised when your why changes. He’s often the one gently leading the shift. I know for me, one was learning to loosen my grip on control. Oh, I still wanna control, but man I’ve learned so much of how to trust, helps to re [00:12:00] redefine what faithfulness looks like. He can teach us that dependence on him is so much more than just enduring. So your why might shift from, I’m doing this because I’m strong, to I’m doing this because God is faithful. It’s not weakness that’s discipleship.

So mature caregiving, why It might sound a little different in the later stages of caregiving. Why often sounds quieter, but they’re deeply sacred. I’m here because love shows up even when it’s costly. I’m here because obedience doesn’t always come with clarity. I am here because God is shaping both of us in ways that I may never fully see.

“Let us not grow weary in doing good for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up.” Galatians [00:13:00] 6:9, notice the verse doesn’t promise visible results. Oh, how I wish it did. It promises God’s timing.

So this is freeing truth. If your why feels thinner than it used to. If it feels quieter, if it feels less emotional and more surrendered, you haven’t lost your why you’ve grown into it. God often does his deepest work. Not when we feel inspired, but when we just remain.

My why, it didn’t stay the same. It matured and looking back I see that God was gently shifting me from doing caregiving in my own strength to walking it out in faith. I am so thankful for that.

 ” Whatever you do, work out with all of your heart as if working for the Lord. Not for [00:14:00] human masters.” that’s in Colossians 3 23 Caregiving, it’s one of those quiet places where the verse comes alive. No spotlight, no applause. Just presence. And presence offered in love, honors both God and the one that you’re caring for- without a doubt.

One of the lies that caregivers often carry, even if they don’t name it, is this, if I step back, I’m failing. Have you ever felt that way? But honoring your parent or the person that you’re caring for, it doesn’t mean sacrificing your health. Your faith or your wholeness. Boundaries, they’re not dishonoring. Receiving help is not a weakness. Rest is not selfish. Jesus never ask us to save anyone. He ask [00:15:00] us to love.

And sometimes the most honoring thing you can do is choose sustainability over exhaustion. It really is. There were times that I found myself too tired and I had to ask, what do I need to change? You can do the same thing. So what I want to invite you into is a gentle moment of reflection.

This is not homework, this is not journaling. It’s just I want you to stop and think. I want you to go about this with curiosity. So ask yourself, what does honoring look like in this season? Not the one you imagined, but reality. What kind of caregiver do I want to be, even when the outcomes are out of my control? And where do I sense God’s presence? Not pressure in this calling, but His grace [00:16:00] filled presence? You might not have clear answers to those questions right now, and that’s okay. Faithfulness often shows up before clarity.

So caregiving in this, it’s a season, it’s a sacred one. It’s a demanding one, it’s a refining one, and if God has placed you here, He’s not left you to carry it alone. Honoring your loved one may look different than you expected, but it still matters. Your presence matters, your faithfulness matters, and your life matters too. “The Lord is close to the broken hearted, and he saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34 18, if today stirred something in you, uncertainty, affirmation, or even grief, I want you to know you’re not alone.

This is a season of caring and even here, [00:17:00] God is at work.

Thank you for joining me on A Season of Caring Podcast where we share stories of hope for family caregivers to live content, love well, and care without regrets. If you would like to be a guest on A Season of Caring Podcast, reach out to me Rayna@ASeasonofCaring.com I would love to talk with you and we can share your story of God’s faithfulness in your caregiving.

Thanks again for spending a little time thinking about your why and how it might’ve matured during your caregiving season. And remember, if you have financial, medical, or legal questions, be sure to consult your local professionals and take heart in your season of caring.