The holidays have a way of bringing both joy and ache to the surface. They remind us of what was, what is, and sometimes, what will never be the same.
If you’re caring for a loved one, this season can feel like living in the in-between: between celebration and exhaustion, between gratitude and grief, between wanting to be fully present and just wanting it all to be over.
The In-Between Is Holy Ground
When my caregiving season overlapped with the holidays, I sometimes found myself holding my breath. I wanted to make things special for everyone, but the logistics, emotions, and changes felt heavy.
I remember one Thanksgiving when my dad’s memory had faded more than the year before. The familiar moments we once shared were slipping away, and I grieved that quietly while passing the mashed potatoes. I smiled through tears, doing my best to make the day feel “normal.” But later that evening, I realized something: even in the middle of that ache, grace had met me there.
It came through the gentle squeeze of my sister’s hand. The sound of my dad’s laughter when my niece did something silly. The way our family showed up, imperfectly but wholeheartedly.
Grace doesn’t erase the hard—it weaves through it, reminding us we are not alone in the in-between.
Letting Go of “Should”
Part of receiving grace in the holidays means letting go of the picture-perfect version we carry in our minds. You might not bake every cookie, attend every gathering, or set the table just so. That’s okay.
What if this year, instead of striving for how it should be, you let it unfold as it can be?
- Maybe dinner is takeout.
- Maybe gifts are fewer and simpler.
- Maybe traditions shift to fit your loved one’s changing needs.
When we release our grip on perfection, our hands are freer to hold peace.
Noticing the Small Glimmers
The in-between seasons are filled with tiny moments that become sacred when we slow down enough to notice them:
- The warmth of your loved one’s hand in yours.
- A familiar hymn that brings tears and comfort all at once.
- The laughter that breaks through fatigue.
These are the quiet harvests of grace, the evidence that love still lives here, even when life looks different than it used to.
Grace for Yourself, Too
I was often quick to extend grace to everyone else while not extending it to myself. Can you relate? Extending grace looks like you allowing yourself to be tired, to feel sad, to not have it all together.
God’s grace is big enough for your emotions and your exhaustion. He doesn’t demand perfection—He offers presence.
So when you find yourself caught between joy and sorrow this season, breathe deep and remember: you’re standing on holy ground. Grace lives in the in-between.
A Closing Prayer
Lord, thank You for meeting us in the middle places, where joy and grief mingle, where our hearts ache even as they give thanks. Help us release what we can’t control and receive the grace You so freely offer. Let peace take root in the small, quiet moments of this season, and remind us that even here, in the in-between, You are with us. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.
💬 Reflection Question:
What shoulds are you letting go of?
What in-betweens came to mind that you are living with?
Rayna Neises understands the joys and challenges that come from a season of caring. She helped care for both of her parents during their separate battles with Alzheimer’s over a thirty-year span. She is able to look back on those days now with no regrets – and she wishes the same for every woman caring for aging parents.
To help others through this challenging season of life, Rayna has written No Regrets: Hope for Your Caregiving Season, a book filled with her own heart-warming stories and practical suggestions for journeying through a caregiving season. She is also the author of Hope for a Caring Heart Journal- a 90 day journey of prayer, reflection and gratitude. Rayna is an ICF Associate Certified Coach with certifications in both Life and Leadership Coaching from the Professional Christian Coaching Institute.
She is prepared to help you through your own season of caring. Learn more at ASeasonOfCaring.com and connect with Rayna on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram.
Read other articles by Rayna
Grace for the Season: Letting Go to Make Room
When fall comes, nature puts on a beautiful show. Leaves change color, turning bright red, orange, and yellow, then gently fall to the ground. This reminds us that letting go is a natural part of life. As caregivers, we often hold on tightly to our loved ones. We...
Hidden Harvest
When we think of harvest, we picture baskets overflowing with produce, golden fields ready for gathering, or a garden that has finally borne fruit. Harvest is supposed to look obvious, abundant, and worth celebrating. But sometimes the harvest isn’t visible at all....
Grace for the Transitions
There’s a time for everything. That sounds comforting until you’re the one holding the pieces of what used to be—trying to find your footing in a world that looks different every morning. Caregiving is full of transitions: -From independence to assistance ...