Rayna Neises: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to a Season of Caring Podcast. I'm Rayna Neises, your host, and this is where we share stories of hope for family caregivers breaking through the busyness and loneliness of life to see God even in this season. Today, you'll notice it's just me. I don't have a guest joining me to share their story. So if you've seen God show up for you in your caregiving journey and you'd like to share your story, I'd love to talk to you. Just reach out and let's make it happen.

Let's talk today about something. I believe every caregiver needs to hear grace. Something, especially when we're battling our inner critic and trying to live a growth mindset. These three things, grace, the inner critic and growth all are deeply connected. And if you're anything like me, you're likely wrestling with all of them at some point in your season of caring.

Recently I was talking [00:01:00] to a woman and she seemed to be doing everything right as I was listening. She was juggling appointments. She was caring for her loved one. She was managing her home, and yet she felt like she was constantly falling short. Her inner critic was loud. It kept telling her she wasn't enough, that she should be more patient, more efficient, more everything.

As I listened, my heart just ached because I'd been there, and if we're honest, most of us have. It's so easy to measure ourselves by impossible standards and then feel like failures when we inevitably fall short. But caregiving, it isn't about perfection, it's about love. Service and showing up even when it's hard.

Let's take a moment. What's something your inner critic has said to you this week and how did it make you feel?

And let's contrast it to my [00:02:00] growth mindset when I think about my growth mindset, I always, always come back to my mom. You might remember that I was only 16 years old when my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. Just four short years later, she lost her ability to communicate. She might talk some gibberish, but most of all, she was quiet.

I did not hear her voice from age 20 on. One day when I was thinking about growth mindset and what that means, I realized that actually I do hear my mom. I hear my mom in my head as my growth mindset, voice, my cheerleader. You see, as a kid, I struggled. I mean, struggled learning to read.

In fact, when I was in second grade, I was pulled out for extra reading help and had tutoring all the way through elementary school. Not to mention the hours upon hours spent at the kitchen table with my mom working on [00:03:00] spelling words trying to get that good score on Friday's test. Oh gosh. She was my constant.

She was patient, she was present, and she was always, always encouraging. She would sit right beside me and say, keep going honey, you're doing better than you think. It's okay. Good try. You'll get it next time. She never scolded me for not catching on quickly.

Instead, she celebrated each small step and each letter sounded out correctly. Each word spelled right, each page finished. She was my cheerleader and still is. That simple, steady encouragement became my internal voice, the one that says, you can do this. You're growing. You're not stuck. It's not perfect, but it's grounded in grace. I'm so grateful for her voice, her belief in me, and it continues to echo in my heart today.

That voice, it shows [00:04:00] up now when I'm trying something new, when I feel like I'm not doing enough, or even when I need to remind myself that progress is the goal, not perfection. It helps me to extend compassion to myself and really even to others. It helps me to believe that growth is possible even when I feel stuck.

As a GRaham, my heart is to be just like my mom to my grandkids, to be that voice of encouragement to them as they try new things or when they struggle with something that's challenging, remembering to cheer them on. Oh, that's just my heart. And if no one has ever spoken that kind of encouragement into your life.

Let me be that voice today for you. You are doing better than you think. God sees your effort. He's not disappointed in you. He is cheering you on.

So let's talk. Honestly, the growth mindset often has competition, right? It's that [00:05:00] inner critic. The inner critic, you know, the one that is whispering. You should know better, you didn't do it right. Look at her. She's handling everything so much better than you are. You're not spiritual enough. You're failing the person that you're caring for. Sound familiar?

Sometimes the inner critic doesn't just whisper. Sometimes it shouts. The voice, it keeps us up at night, replaying our worst moments and robbing us of rest. It piles guilt on top of our exhaustion. Caregivers especially hear this voice when we forget something, when we lose our patients, when we are just exhausted and can't do one more thing. It creeps in during those lowest moments, feeding, shame and doubt.

And then there's that other voice, the stronger kinder voice, the voice of grace. Grace says, you're doing your best. You're not alone. Let's [00:06:00] try again tomorrow. You are deeply loved, even in your weaknesses.

Sometimes grace shows up in a moment of quiet or in a word from a friend or in a verse that hits you right where you need it. It's gentle, but firm. It doesn't pretend everything is fine, but it reminds you that you're not a failure just because life is hard. Romans 8:1 tells us there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. God's grace is not a reward for getting it all right. It's a gift freely given, especially when we didn't do it right.

There were so many days, but I remember this one day when our evening, when I was trying to get dad to bed, oh, it took over an hour to get him just to change his clothes so we could go to bed. He was frustrated. I was frustrated. It led to me pushing harder [00:07:00] and him getting angry. There were tears. They were mine. There were ugly words. They were dad's, and just a sad, heavy night. I beat myself up over it. I was really discouraged.

The critic in me was loud. You should be able to get him to do what you need him to do. You know, just walk away. When you get that frustrated, why didn't you, you're failing.

But on the drive back to the farm, I ask myself, what would you tell a friend who was in the same boat? I would've said, you're human. It's okay. It was one night. You're doing amazing job. Hang in there. It'll be okay. Next day will be better. I felt the Holy Spirit whisper those same things to me, that's grace.

Grace is how we can live and care without regrets. It means forgiving ourselves and doing it better the next day. It means acknowledging the hard moments, but not letting [00:08:00] them define our story. And friends, if your caregiving season has had those moments where things didn't go the way you hoped, where emotions ran high, where words were said that you wish you could take back, you are not alone. Grace meets you there too.

Grace doesn't excuse mistakes. It just refuses to define you by it. It gives you permission to be a work in progress to start again, to grow from the experience instead of being crushed by it.

So you're probably thinking, okay, great, Rena, that sounds good, but how do I get rid of this inner critic? How do I hear the grace voice louder? Well, let me give you a few ideas. These are some practices, some things that will take practice for you to be able to get rid of or quiet that inner inner critic.

So number one. Pause and notice one of the most powerful things will be for you to stop and notice [00:09:00] when the critical voice gets loud, you have to stop yourself and ask whose voice is it? Does it sound like Jesus? Often it's an echo of something harsh from our past. It's not the tender voice of God.

So stopping and knowing whose voice is it really can help to start moving in the next direction, which will lead you to the next step. Reframe with truth. Use scripture or loving words to replace the lie. Just like my mom encouraged me as a child. Be your own voice of hope. If it's hard borrow God's voice from scripture. Let him reframe your inner dialogue. He will.

Step three, accept growth, not perfection. Caregiving is full of learning moments. Let each hard day be an invitation to grow, not a sentence of shame. Reflect on what went well, what would you do differently? What did you learn?

Step [00:10:00] four, speak grace aloud. When you catch yourself being harsh with your thoughts, respond out loud with Grace, I'm doing the best I can. God still loves me even in this. Speaking, it makes it real. It really does change something in your heart.

And lastly, invite God into your thoughts. Ask him to help you recognize the lies and replace them with his truth. Prayer can be powerful to align your heart with his.

Ask yourself, would I talk to someone I love the way I'm talking to myself right now? If not, something needs to change.

Try keeping a small notebook nearby this week. When your inner critic pops up, write down what it says and then ask, is this true? Is this kind? Is this what God would say to me?

It's a powerful way to help shift your mindset and move you into hearing the voice of grace more often.

If you're interested in [00:11:00] learning more about quieting that inner critic and building up your grace, I have written a Grace for the Journey Reflection Guide. If you would like to download it, just visit www.aseasonofcaring.com/podcast and you'll find this podcast on the show notes page or feel free to shoot me. An email at Rayna@ASeasonofCaring.com and I will reply with that reflection guide.

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Well, that's it, friends. I wanna encourage you, you are doing sacred work. You don't have to do it perfectly to be worthy of grace. God isn't waiting for you to prove yourself. He's walking with you in every forgetful, frustrated, and faithful moments. So today, let grace be the voice you hear. Let growth be your path and let the critic sit down in silence because he has no authority here.

You are growing, you are learning, you are doing enough, and if you haven't heard it [00:12:00] today, I'm proud of you. Not because you're doing everything perfectly, but because you're showing up and that matters. Thank you for joining me today for Stories of Hope for living content, loving well, and caring without regrets on A Season of Caring Podcast.

If you have medical, financial, or legal questions, be sure to consult your local professionals and take heart in your season of caring.

*Transcript is an actual recount of the live conversation