Rayna Neises: [00:00:00] Welcome to a Season of Caring Podcast. This is Rayna Neises, your host, where we share stories of hope for family caregivers breaking through the busyness and loneliness of caregiving to see God even in this season. Today, I’m excited to introduce you to my friend Mary Beth. Mary Beth Powers is a certified speaker and coach, and a longtime Bible teacher. She has served women for over 25 years. She currently serves as a connection pastor at her church, she is known for her infectious personality and caring for others. She speaks authentically as a safe place for women to share their struggles, whether one-on-one from a podium in a room full of women. She loves to see women thriving in the fullness of Jesus. Mary Beth and her husband are empty nesters. She’s in a season of loving on her five grand babies, all three and under. You can find her@marybethpowers.com.

Mary Beth, thank you so much for joining me today. I’m glad to have you here.[00:01:00]

Mary Beth Powers: Thank you for having me, Rayna.

Rayna Neises: Let’s start off by just having you share a little bit about your caregiving season.

Mary Beth Powers: Yes, I had, a small season. It was a couple of years, seemed like a long season in the season, taking care of my mother-in-law. She lives about 45 minutes away, so it wasn’t like an easy commute at the time. But we were very blessed that she was in her upper eighties and still lived on her own.

However, she began to have falls and, and things like that. Ended up in the hospital and, me being able to go over and because I didn’t work the other siblings worked and, it was just easier for me to go over help care for her. It was a very difficult season ’cause my husband also has Meniere’s disease, if you’re familiar with that, but it’s an inner ear disease that causes severe, vertigo and he gets really, really sick.

So he was in a really tough season there, 45 minutes back here. [00:02:00] With no one to care for him. All of my children worked and luckily God provided ways, like he always does in the seasons that we were able to be one place or the other. But, there were times where they both needed 24 hour care, at the same time. And that was really tough.

Rayna Neises: It is so hard. And many times we do find ourselves in those places where there’s so many people depending on us, that it’s one of the more difficult things as a caregiver is how to stretch yourself and still be able to stay healthy and take care of those that need to. So I, you mentioned there are other family members and that’s important for other people to be able to step in, but whenever the care’s that great, it can be really tough.

Mary Beth Powers: Yes it is. And they were both 24 hour care. My husband, when he would get well, he was good. He could go back to work and he was good. So, but it was getting him there. And, needing me both. And, you get conflicted with your priorities as well. You know, you feel like, okay, where’s my number one priority?

[00:03:00] And, you think, well, who’s gonna step up if I don’t? And then you feel the guilt and everything, everything is weighted in the moment to where you just overwhelmed and you don’t know what to do. And for me, it was a very emotional, uh, uh, distress time. You know, it was a season that we were becoming empty nesters as well, so I thought it looked very different than what it did.

We were still pretty young, we’re in our fifties and we thought, we’re dealing with this now so early, and my children have just left home. I thought we were gonna be traveling. I thought we were gonna doing all these fun things. And then, then it ended up being a lot of devastation in the process. We ended up losing her two years in, which was, was really hard on my husband and his Meniere’s ’cause stress was a big factor in that too. So it was a tough season.

Rayna Neises: Yeah, it really is hard and you really don’t know how long it will last, and you don’t know when it’s coming, like you said. So it can be so difficult and being able to, just those emotions that you said, that’s one of the hardest things to navigate is the [00:04:00] guilt and the concern and what should I be doing? I always say kick those shoulds to the curve because they aren’t

Mary Beth Powers: Right.

Rayna Neises: but there’s a lot of that going on, so.

Mary Beth Powers: That’s great. I love that.

Rayna Neises: so.

Mary Beth Powers: That’s great. I love that. I have to remember that one.

Rayna Neises: So share with us, a favorite story of when you were caregiving.

Mary Beth Powers: Well, my mother-in-law had beautiful white, soft white hair and she loved to have her hair done. That was her thing once a week, and it was well with covid, it shut down, you know, she wasn’t able to get her hair done. But then she got sick enough where it was not as easy to take her in. My dream or my, guess what I, what I wanted to be when I grew up was a hairdresser.

And so I never went and did that. But, one day I had propped her up in her wheelchair and I’d taken my curl and iron over there. I. And I thought it’s like, ’cause I got to be able to do her hair several times. Like I said, it was soft and beautiful and easy to work with. And it was just this [00:05:00] moment that we had to share of what we wanted to be when we grew up kind of dreams together.

And she never knew that about me. And so it was a moment we just kind of connected. She was a person that was, um, you know. She kept her love a little bit at arm’s length. You know, it was hard. We didn’t get off to the best start, but we ended well. She was a fabulous cook. There was a lot of things that she served us and loved us. Talk about service. She was one of those people that would give her time and her resources loving on us through cooking a meal or just spending time with us so that day I propped her in the wheelchair and was doing her hair and we just got to talking and giggling and laughing god was showing me in that moment that I was doing hair it. I was fulfilling those dreams. They didn’t look like what I thought they would, but they were beautiful moments in times that she and I got to really be a little bit [00:06:00] closer in those moments, in those final years. It was a sweet, sweet moment.

Rayna Neises: I love how he provides those times and those times of connection. That’s one of the things too in caring for my dad that I’m just so thankful for that time because as adults we just don’t spend one-on-one time with our parents, much less our in-laws for large quantities of time, for those doors to open for those connections that are deeper in those times of just really getting to know each other and being able to learn our love languages much less be able to feel

Mary Beth Powers: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: So.

Mary Beth Powers: Yeah, it was a sweet time. It was a sweet time. She loved to have her hair done, and those were moments that were passed for her. And I never got to do that, you know? And so it was that connection. It was that moment of God bringing us both together, that she was able to feel better about herself and I was able to make her feel better. And so he used it again to be the hands and feet that he wanted to meet, to be in that moment and, and connect with [00:07:00] her too. So.

Rayna Neises: Yeah. Thanks for sharing that. I think it’s important to take time in those moments because sometimes we can rush past those things or even as caregivers, there’s so many things to do. Sometimes we feel like, oh, that’s really not that important. When you really knew it was important to her, and though what it looked like in the past to be able to get her hair done wasn’t an option, you found a way to be able to continue to honor her like that.

So I love that.

Mary Beth Powers: It was a sweet time.

Rayna Neises: I think that’s one of the things that’s most amazing about caregiving season is it kind of puts us in this pressure cooker we have to then, you know, really rely on the Lord in a way that we haven’t before, and we have to.

Mary Beth Powers: Right.

Rayna Neises: are tested and just all of those things that really get to the core of who we are, that being able to put ourselves behind the needs of others. He’s wanting us to do to become more like him happen in the caregiving season.

Mary Beth Powers: You’re [00:08:00] right.

Rayna Neises: So what would be one thing that surprised you most about caregiving season?

Mary Beth Powers: Oh, my children really surprised me. They were, newlyweds, most of them actually, all of them. I have three children and they’re very close in age and they were all newlyweds. Just having babies when all this was taking place. And that was another thing, trying to be there for them as well. The newborns was really hard.

But they stopped what they were doing to help me. I wasn’t surprised at their hearts, but I was more surprised at, how God provided a way for them and that they, even in the hard seasons, they still showed up. My daughter worked remote, so she was able to take her computer and sit at the hospital some days with my mother-in-law.

I could be with my husband. My son, does landscaping. So he was there doing her yard, taking care of things that she needed on the outside and sometimes on the inside. Then my other [00:09:00] daughter. Really surprised me. She had to take care of some personal hygiene that was not pleasant. And for a newlywed and young adult, that was tough.

I was very impressed and very, my heart just felt really full knowing that they could be there during that time for, for all.

Rayna Neises: that I also like to remind us of, because we can sometimes forget, is are modeling for our kids what caregiving

Mary Beth Powers: Yes.

Rayna Neises: and how important it is.

Mary Beth Powers: That crossed my mind a lot. I thought they are watching me even in my tantrums. You know, there were moments that I, I had some come aparts and I thought this was unfair, but I also was able to explain those emotions are okay too. They’re real, they’re real to talk about. I was very impressed because you never know how your children are gonna show up in those moments when you haven’t experienced ’em for the first time.

You know? And it made me feel good that if something was to happen to my husband and I, [00:10:00] they would be there. That was comforting as well.

Rayna Neises: Yeah. To see that value of family just really lived out in front of you in that

Mary Beth Powers: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: of their. Life for them to find a way to, find those pockets of time that we’re supporting to you. That’s really neat.

Mary Beth Powers: Yes. Definitely, definitely.

Rayna Neises: share with us. I know many times, and this is a question, people are always like, oh, how do I come up with one? Um, so what, share with us a time that God really showed up for you in your caregiving season.

Mary Beth Powers: Uh, well, honestly, it was one of my tantrum moments it was a day that, COVID had hit and my mother-in-law had contracted Covid and she had gotten really sick and was in the bed. She didn’t always have to be in the bed full time, but there were moments where she got really sick. She was very strong all the way her sharp mentally all the way into, her passing.

There was a particular time where she was bedridden with being so sick, and my husband was in the middle of a Meneire’s attack. And I’m 45 minutes away and my children weren’t in a [00:11:00] position where they could run and help in the moment, and I felt very pulled. I. And I actually got very frustrated and angry with God and remember locking myself in the laundry room and just sobbing and having this moment of, God, why me?

Why in this season, why this is not fair? I’m just the daughter-in-law. Somebody she should be stepping up. You know, I went through that pouty moment and I clearly heard him say to me, Marybeth, I just need you to be my hands and feet. In this moment and I thought, Lord, if I can do it for anybody, I can do it for you.

Even the hard, he didn’t leave me. He didn’t take the hard away, he just met me in the hard. And that was a moment I’ll never forget because I was not only serving him, I was serving my family. I was serving my mother-in-law, I was serving my in-laws, I, my whole in-law family, I was serving my husband and it, [00:12:00] God was really showing me that.

In that season, it wasn’t about me and I was making it about me in that moment, even though it was hard and I was blinded by the hard, I still. Could see God swooping. And in those moments he, my husband was still fine. My mother-in-law recovered in those moments. But you know, it was during all the quarantine and then I couldn’t go home and there was no relief bottom line.

So it became about my comfort in that moment and I thought, you know, no, I can do this for the Lord, you know, as hard as it is. So that was my defining moment with the Lord and what he taught me.

Rayna Neises: Wow, that is hard. Covid made it so hard because like you said, it wasn’t just about meeting the need in the moment and then being able to go back to your husband. It was being isolated with her because there was no

Mary Beth Powers: Right.

Rayna Neises: So

Mary Beth Powers: Yeah.

Rayna Neises: Well, thanks for being vulnerable about that, because I think we’ve all had our, our little meltdown moments in our times where it’s just the [00:13:00] unfairness of life gets to us, and I love that.

Like you said, he’s always there, but he’s so faithful to step into those moments and. Give us clarity, like you said, help us

Mary Beth Powers: Yes.

Rayna Neises: own nose and to really just, bless us with a bigger picture, understanding of what’s going on and how you’re blessing others. And like you said, being his hands and feet.

Mary Beth Powers: Yes, yes. Yeah. It’s taking those blinders off and really realizing, wh why are we here doing what we’re doing? You know, it, it, I, I hoped that if I was in her position, all I could think about was if I was ever in her position, who would step up for me as well. It wasn’t just about taking care of her too, it was just what I was seeing and what God was reminding me of.

And teaching me to serve serving is not my strongest. Uh, some people will argue that with me, but ’cause I teach a lot and stuff. But in that moment, God really taught me about what really [00:14:00] serving others looks like, washing others’ feet. There’s times when it’s not easy,

Rayna Neises: Yeah.

Mary Beth Powers: so,

Rayna Neises: He knows. And that’s why I think the caregiving season is such a beautiful time.

So let’s transition for a minute here and, and think about what would be one thing that you do that helps you to live content, love well, and care without regrets.

Mary Beth Powers: I think the, that the fact I was able to honor her, in her final days and have that relationship strengthened, but also honor my husband and my family and like we said earlier, teaching my children. What it looks like to love in the hard seasons. You know, those were not easy seasons and they were not seasons that the timing, you know, I thought that that would possibly be a time that I would, but, not during that season.

And so it wasn’t convenient for me, if I’m being honest. It never is, but [00:15:00] just the fact that I was able to listen to God in those moments and honor him, honor my family, honor my children, honor my loved ones around me. You know, I always tell my kids to live with no regrets. You know, if you live with no regrets, then you can’t come back with the shame and the guilt.

We’re not perfect and we’re gonna mess up, but we can live with our best ability of not. Regretting things, and I feel like in that season, being there for her, I didn’t have regrets, just that I didn’t do it perfectly. Like I said, I had my moments, my meltdowns, but I was able to honor her, and honor the Lord most importantly, honor the Lord,

Rayna Neises: I think that’s such an important key, and I say that all the time as well, of just, it’s not about being perfect because when we hold that

Mary Beth Powers: right.

Rayna Neises: gonna get there. It’s just about doing

Mary Beth Powers: Right,

Rayna Neises: and when we blow it, doing something different. making that

Mary Beth Powers: Right,

Rayna Neises: Yeah,

Mary Beth Powers: We learn [00:16:00] so much more from our mistakes than we do trying to be perfect. In those moments, I’ve learned that the hard way as well, we can put on a persona and feel as if we, are trying our best to be perfect. But, you know, in the end, it’s the mistakes that we learn a lot from,

Rayna Neises: For

Mary Beth Powers: more than the perfection.

And that’s what God says, you know, he says, I’ll meet you in your weakness. I’m your strength and your weakness. And so we learned to back away and be more humble in those moments. And he fill in the voids and the gaps.

Rayna Neises: Yeah, for sure. And it’s so important to keep that perspective because things don’t go the way we want them to most of our life, and if we don’t learn to embrace it and learn to listen for his voice. Then that’s when we can find that resentment and wounding to our faith that can happen if we don’t stay

Mary Beth Powers: Yes,

Rayna Neises: so,

Mary Beth Powers: you are right.

Rayna Neises: So Mary Beth, share with us what would be one thing that you wish you had known in the beginning or that you would just like to share with our caregivers?

Mary Beth Powers: Some people are [00:17:00] easier to care for than others in some seasons, and I think if I had learned to keep my eyes on Jesus from the beginning, it might’ve been a little easier. It was never about me. That is the one thing that I learned. It’s okay to fall apart emotionally, especially when you’re losing someone.

That is hard. That is tough. I think we don’t give ourselves enough grace in those moments. We shouldn’t feel this way or we should act this way. But honestly, the emotions are real and, God’s grace is abundant. He understands he can handle anything that we bring to him. And he just wants us to come to him.

And in those moments, you know, that’s why he gives us Matthew 1128. He says, come to me and I will give you rest. Like, give me your heavy burden. They weren’t meant to be heavy. And so, and there’s a reason why for that. ’cause nothing takes him by surprise. And I think that if I had focused that upfront, my [00:18:00] season might’ve been a little easier.

I won’t say that my heart was probably any better. ’cause you know, death is hard and losing someone you love is really hard. But being honest with your feelings and being able to communicate too with family members around you. This is how I’m feeling, whether it be right or wrong, this is how I’m feeling.

And not always putting the blame on someone else. My husband is excellent at this, you know, at work he talks a lot about, he said, when a mistake is made or when you mess up, it doesn’t matter who did it. Let’s just fix it together. Let’s just get this right. And I think that that can follow with anything, especially in caregiving.

You know, the number one focus is my mother-in-law needed care. My husband needed care. What are we gonna do to fix that in the moment? But just running to Jesus first and foremost would be my, probably my biggest advice. Sit with him in those moments that you can, and just ask him to pour into you and give you what you need.

Because there’s gonna be a lot of times, [00:19:00] you know, we can’t meet our own needs he can. And, he does it perfectly. And so that’s probably what I would say.

Rayna Neises: So much wisdom in that, and I think you started with saying, you know, not everybody’s easy to care for. And I so agree with that. I hear a lot, you know, Rainey, you had a good relationship with your dad and you’re like, I did. It didn’t make it easy all the time though, because with his disease there was a lot of confusion and there were times where he didn’t act like himself, and so there’s going to be those challenges. My gosh, I don’t know about you, but I’m not really that good of a patient either, and I’m not even old yet,

Mary Beth Powers: Same.

Rayna Neises: Expects us just to be these great patients and none of us are right.

Mary Beth Powers: It does,

Rayna Neises: realizing that they’re going through their own stuff. But I think the most surprising to me in caregiving is the emotions. And how difficult it is to handle those emotions. So that’s a lot of great advice, Mary Beth, because one of the things that I learned as well, and knew from the early age of when my mom was [00:20:00] diagnosed, when I was just a teenager, was that the Lord was the only one who could get it.

Mary Beth Powers: Mm-hmm.

Rayna Neises: in my life who understood what it was like to have your mom have Alzheimer’s when you’re a teenager. so I really had to run to him early on, and so that allowed me to have that habit that as I was caring for my dad all the years later, that was my first conversation was really, Lord, number times I said that. Like, really? What am I supposed to do now? Really did make such an impact for me in my caregiving. So thanks for that wisdom. I think that’s a really wise nugget, and I love that we can run to him anytime. He’s always, always there. He never leaves us, so,

Mary Beth, remind, the listeners how they could find out more about your ministry and stay in touch with you.

Mary Beth Powers: Yes. I’m working on a book right now, I’m not quite finished with it about, God’s love, how he wove a thread of love throughout my life. I share [00:21:00] some stories in there. I’m still working on that process with a, publisher. But, uh, it’s, that’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

So give some grace on that. But you can find me at my website@marybethpowers.com. And on social media, my Instagram is girl be still. But I speak and I write, most of the time when I’m speaking. I’m speaking, about how God changed, the generation through me and through generational curses and sin.

And I love being able to share how God has taken that, woven, that thread of love throughout my life. And so, you can follow me there. I’m not the best at social media, but I do love to connect there and if you ever need someone to come speak, at your event, I love to do that as well.

Rayna Neises: Well, thank you.

Mary Beth Powers: Um, but.

Rayna Neises: Go ahead.

Mary Beth Powers: Thank you for what you do, Rena, and making awareness for caregiving.

I also lost my father, to Alzheimer’s, and that was a tough season. That was another caregiving season as well as my husband during his season [00:22:00] too. So caregiving, is inevitable, I think, in all of us. And so what you’re doing is phenomenal and just letting people be themselves and realize this is real life.

And so thank you for that.

Rayna Neises: you so much. That’s so sweet. Mary Beth, thank you for just giving us a little glimpse of that caregiving season with your mother-in-law and some great nuggets of wisdom. I really appreciate it.

Mary Beth Powers: Thank you for having me today.

Rayna Neises: Thank you for joining us for Stories of Hope with Mary Beth on A Season of Caring Podcast. Remember, if you have legal, financial, or medical questions, be sure to consult your local professionals and take heart in your season of caring. ​

*Transcript is an actual recount of the live conversation